Carpe Diem.

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300412

I wanna run away alone. Alone. No one else. Look at people. Have fun. Freedom. Carefree. Maybe some eye candy, but no, I’ll roam around alone. Some friends, but they’ll just be passing by while I roam. Spread the love. All by myself.

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Choices

I chose to do it. Thought it’d help. Turned out as a mistake. Would I’ve ever known..

Guilt is crushing me inside. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong. What I’ve done doesn’t seem to be improving the situation, though.

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2012

Haven’t done a text post in eons! This post will be special cos it’ll be totally personal and maybe, emotional.

2011 was a particularly interesting year, neither good nor bad, somewhere in the middle. However, somewhere in the middle some things happen, things change, I meet new people and lose some at the same time. No great regrets or achievements though. I’m just an ordinary girl after all, what you expect from me is up to your decision, whatever you get is just part of the consequence of the decision made. Well, that’s what I found out about me this year, mostly. Ordinary, shy, confused, me.

Maybe I’m still young, maybe I’ve yet to see the world. Maybe I’m still learning, maybe I need more space. Maybe I need more love, maybe I ought to love more. Maybe I’ve to understand, maybe I’ve to listen more. Maybe I’ve to speak up, maybe I’ve to be more alert. I’m not perfect, but I’ll keep trying. That, I can assure you.

This year was also a year I caught up with quite a number of almost-forgotten friends. Putting them at the back of my mind was quite a bad idea; they’d pop into my life as quickly as I chuck them aside. I know these are all God’s plans for me and them. They’ve grown and mature so much since the last time I saw them! Me too, I can say, except for my height. :(

This year was filled with more ups and downs than all roller coasters put together in the world. Meeting new awesome AMAZING people was definitely a big fat plus in my life, but losing friends and being forgotten by loved ones was an even fatter minus. I hate the feeling of being forgotten. It’s like after all you’ve done for them, all they do is move on with life, without you. I’m not the type who do things for people to keep them in my life. I do them because I love them. When you love someone you definitely want them in your life, right? Being neglected is one of the worst feelings ever. On the other hand though, God has put new people into my life just when I’m feeling the most down to bring me back up. He never forgets! :)

Truly, having someone who genuinely loves you is one of the best feelings in the world. This year, I’ve countless experiences in hoGc with God that has helped me pull through this year. His voice spoke to me ever so lovingly, so comforting and reassuring. He never forgets nor leaves his precious child. I’m forever proud to be His child! Back on earth (you’re supposed to laugh. Ha ha ha), having someone who genuinely loves you is possible too. With courage and strength, faith and hope, peace and joy.

Learnt many many lessons the hard way last year too. It’ll be impossible to type all out. Those lessons are precious and engraved into my mind, say, forever. No classes or lectures on life can even explain to me how does life work. Such a mind boggling thing, life is. Precious and fragile, yet sustaining and satisfying. It doesn’t exactly give us all moments we’d like to have, but every moment is valuable and worth living for. Note, worth. living. for. Don’t give up! You’re not the only one going through these shit, I promise.

I’ve seen how society can change a man. Everyone is beautiful, until ugly society steps in and beautiful will only be a mask to hide our ugly hearts inside. No one’s spared. Being nice means being naive, being cautious means you’ve trust issues with basically, everyone out there. Nothing you can do to please them.

However hard my life got in 2011, there was one person that kept me going: God. No matter how distant I got from Him, He’ll never leave me but instead, come back for me. God is so real, so good. I can never live without Him. I believe better things have yet to come, as well as more challenges too. 2012 means studying more than ever, more opportunities and obstacles to overcome. It’s going to be crazy hard, but I’ll emerge stronger, wiser and more mature.

Oh yes, I can’t wait to join a ministry next year in church! :)

So, I wouldn’t say ‘2012, please be good to me’, I’d say ‘2012, give me all you’ve got’.

Carpe Diem!

Permalink tildaa-: parayeah: Hi. I’m Tilda, and this is my story about when I got up on stage with Paramore: I’ve been a Paramore fan for about three years now and for about 2 years, my biggest dream has been to get on stage with them. On July 6th, 2011, that dream came true. Let’s start from the top. It was my third Paramore show and I had decided, this was it. I was going to get up on stage. (Dreaming is allowed, right?!) Me and my friends queued for 28 hours and slept outside of the festival area. Or well, I only slept for two hours, but still. When we got there, I wrote it on tumblr. I simply wrote something along “First in the line! WIIIIIE! There’s 28 hours left but yeah, we’re here” and Hayley reblogged it and wrote “You guys are seriously already lined up for the show?! Can. Not. Wait.” (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Hayley started following mine and my friend’s tumblr on January 26th this year. Happiness, YAY!)We met the people who were going to let us in the next day and the one in charge said they might be able to fix something for us. Since we slept there, that is. I also talked to Justin York on twitter at 4am and he gave us credit for being there so early, haha. I had a sign, a small one that said “PLEASE LET PARAYEAH/TILDA & MOA SING WITH YOU <3”. I wasn’t going to bring a sign from the beginning but my friend Adele told me the day before we left for the festival that a lot of people would have signs so I did a really quick one and yep, it was incredibly ugly. Oh, run-on-sentence. Sorry. The sun went up and it was almost time for us to be let in. About 20 minutes before, the security came up and said “Okay, so everyone who slept here gets to come in earlier. And don’t try to fool us, we met those who slept here yesterday.”And we, only 10 of us, got let in 5 minutes earlier and that gave us the advantage we needed. We got the front row, in the middle. Only 8 more hours of waiting to do. The concert, I don’t know what to say. It was amazing and I loved every second of it. As usual. The band had so much energy and I just smiled and danced all the way through the set. Hayley talked to us who had slept there (YAYYYYY!) and they all looked at us so much. It was perfect. Hayley also saw my sign in the very beginning and smiled so big at me. When they started playing Misery Business, I was praying with every inch of my heart that they would pick me. And when they slowed down and the crowd starting singing, I saw Hayley looking at me. But then she kept walking. I thought “What if I don’t get up? Please, pick me. I need this. Please.” And then, she turned around, walking towards me again and then she stood there, pointing at me and saying “I want you to come up here and sing it with us.” I can never explain what I felt in that split second. Every emotion I’ve ever felt at once, it was overwhelming. But I turned around so quickly and security took me over. Then I ran backstage and up on stage. (Gosh, I’m crying now.) The first thing I saw when I got up on stage was Hayley’s beautiful face, smiling at me. Me. I went up and hugged her and she hugged me. It was the best hug I’ve ever gotten. I wasn’t crying, I was just so happy. Then I looked at the crowd. There were so many people. 8000 people and they were all looking at me. Normally, I would be terrified but all I could feel was happiness. I sang, I screamed, I head banged. I smiled. I smiled so big I thought my face would fall apart. And they all smiled back at me. Paramore. The crowd. Everyone. I wish I could tell you how happy I was but it’s impossible. You are just going to have to take my word on that I’ve never been happier than I was on that stage, right then. It all ended so quickly, I was taken off of stage and that’s when it hit me. I had just been on stage with Paramore. Me. Tilda Assmo. I did it. I actually did it. I got attacked by hugs as soon as I got out from the backstage area and that’s when I broke down. I couldn’t stop crying. After a while, I couldn’t even breathe and I had to sit down. I cried for an hour, just because I was so happy. I had people coming up to me every minute of that night saying how much I deserved it and everybody was being so nice. It was the happiest day of my life.(Sidenote: Wrote this for a friend and it makes me really emotional so I wanted to share it with you guys too.)  I miss this day so much.
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